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finding god in rona-break


I had this whole post prepped and ready to go- all about how I've had this surge of creativity lately, but I went in and had to switch its status from "scheduled to post" to "drafts" real fast.


It'd be absolutely inconsiderate in my opinion to post something on my blog and not recognize the state of crisis that our world is currently in. So here I am, at the ripe age of 17, talking about corona virus.


If you haven't heard already, wash your hands. Wash your hands please in hot water with soap for at least 20 seconds. That's important. And yes, hand sanitizer is great, it rocks, feel free to use that too. And please for the love of God stop hoarding things like excessive amount of food and toilet paper and more because there are families who actually need those things right now.


With that said, that's all. I mean, that's all I'm going to say on the topic of COVID-19 because I'm not gonna perpetuate any hysteria. Just be sure to check your facts and self-distance!


Now that I've been self-distancing for almost a full week though, I've had the time to self-reflect. (PSA: Self-growth & self-reflection are beautiful and so wonderful for your health. I encourage you to try it. You should learn a lot about yourself.) I posted a little bit on my Instagram containing parts of what I've written down of my self-reflection; but I figured I'd elaborate more on here because I can.


Coronacation has been wild for me. I've only left the house once to take the trash out. Most days I barely even leave my room. Inspiring, I know. But the more I've been left alone with my thoughts, the more I've learned.


I spent so much of my life planning what my senior year would look like. I mean, I watched all of the Barbie movies, I watched all three High School Musicals on repeat, I read all of the books, watched every Youtube video, I thought I knew it all. Seriously. I genuinely thought I had planned for it all. And you know? Maybe I had. A month ago, I was still planning my Hawaii outfits for my choir tour with the Trabuco Hills Chamber Choir. A month ago, I was at Unifieds for my college auditions, auditioning for Pace University which had been a dream of mine for years. I was planning on getting in and getting the scholarships I needed. A month ago, the cast list for Trabuco's final show of the year "Urinetown" came out and I had gotten the role I wanted. I had planned on rehearsals every day for the upcoming months and I had planned for our shows in April. I had planned for the scholarships attached to that show. I had planned for prom. I had planned to wear a stunning David's Bridal dress that I thrifted from Salvation Army. I had planned for my High School Musical "A Night to Remember" princess moment. I had planned for graduation. Walking down the field to pick up my diploma in my cap and gown and medals and even the pink music honors cord I had earned. Do you see a common theme? I planned. I planned for it all. I genuinely thought I had it all planned. But I didn't plan for this.


I didn't plan for COVID-19 to come in and steal my senior year. I didn't plan for it to take away all I had planned for myself. I don't think anyone planned for this. No matter the stage of life. I mean, when I think about it selfishly, I'm upset about my senior year of high school and scared for what my freshman year of college is supposed to look like. But from a broader perspective, when I widen my lens on the world, I'm upset for the college seniors whose blood, sweat, and tears have yet to pay off. I'm upset for those who have had or are having to cancel their wedding ceremonies. I'm upset for those who are giving birth right now and that their future and their childs' futures are unknown. I'm upset for the elderly who are our living, breathing representations of history, and not even they know what to do right now. I'm upset for those affected right now. I'm upset for those who don't know they have been affected yet. I'm upset for those who are choosing or maybe not choosing to be ignorant and ignore the fact that this plague is slowly tearing apart the world as we know it. I'm upset because I'm scared for the unknown. It's scary. You can nod your head, say it with me: it's freaking scary. Absolutely terrifying.


I keep telling myself that it's not worth my energy to worry though, because this is out of my control. I believe that. I also believe that things are going to be okay. I'm not sure how, I don't know what it'll look like, but I believe that my season will come. I believe that very little thing is going to be alright.


However, the one thing that I can confidently say is that I do know that God is in control. I have no other explanation for it, I just know that He is. And yeah, I'll be honest, that's something that is a lot easier said than believed, but I'm choosing to believe it because He's unbelievable. He's unexplainable.


It says so many times in the Bible that the Lord conquers fear. It says so many times in worship songs that the Lord conquers fear. It says so many times in various prayers that the Lord conquers fear. "For when we are weak, he is strong," "Peace is a promise you keep," the list goes on. So then why are we so scared? Once again, a lot easier said than done, but even if I have to remind myself of it day after day, I know He's conquering fear. Even if I can't see it He's working, even if I can't feel it He's working. I mean, c'mon! If Christ is not done working, then I am not done waiting.


I believe that things are going to get better. I refuse to believe otherwise. And even if things get worse before they get better, (they likely will, we live in a broken world,) it's going to eventually get better. I'm going to see a victory and I'm calling it now. Not to prove myself because I have nothing to prove, but because I have tremendous faith in Him. Selah, my friends, Selah. I believe that fear and sin are being stomped on as we speak. The Lord is my defender & I'm going to see a victory. The Lord is also my Jehovah Shalom and there will be peace. I'm giving it all to Him because He reigns and will reign forever.


Now I know that's a hefty claim for a lot of us to put our faith in, I get it. It's risky. How can you really be sure? Do you really know? Is Christ really who He says He is? Is He our Savior? Will He really save us & keep us safe?


I know there are doubts. There are always going to be doubts- I'm not trying to diminish or invalidate those feelings, but IMAGINE if what I'm saying is true. IMAGINE if God really is who He says He is. IMAGINE if Christ really is who He says He is. IMAGINE if the Holy Spirit really is who He says He is. Just IMAGINE that.


How much less you would have to worry because He is there to carry all of your burdens. How much less you would have to fear because He is already in control. How much less you would feel alone because He is always present. How much less you would feel invalidated because He is always listening. The list goes on, my friends. He wants to take away the hurt. He wants to take away the pain. He wants to take away the grieving. All you have to do is open yourself up and say yes. Even if you don't believe it fully yet. Just open yourself to that possibility. He wants to draw near, He wants to be close, He's willing to meet you halfway. Just open your door to the possibility. Open your eyes to the doors He's opening for you as you're reading this. Open your mind to what His plans are for you. Open your heart to His grace and His mercy.


When I say God is good, I mean it because I've witnessed it firsthand. God is SO good and in my opinion, you're cheating yourself if you're not willing to even just check out what could be.


I'll step off my soapbox now, but if you have any questions or things you want to talk about with me, I'm not going anywhere. Email me at messyandkind@gmail.com or direct message me through my Instagram @delaneymariemiller. Or if you'd like, feel free to share this post of my initial Instagram post.


Sometimes I think that when I write on my blog, my words are simply floating out into this oblivion that we call the internet. Sometimes I think that no one is reading this. Sometimes I think that no one is listening. But on the off-chance that someone is, I mean what I'm saying. 100% intentional, even if it's through a screen. And God's love for you? 1000000 times WAY more intentional.


I love you. & I grow more grateful for the words God places in my mouth by the minute. It's all Him. I just hope to be light for Him through my actions.


Much Love,

Delaney Marie Miller



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