I was walking to get ice cream with my family the other night and we ran into so many familiar faces, one who’s face I haven’t seen in such a long time. She was asking me how I’ve been doing and what I’ve been up to recently and she just said that I’ve seemed so much more happy. Now, she said that based off of what she’s seen on my social media profiles recently (which really isn’t all that authentic anyway, let’s be real…), but I guess she’s kind of right. Lately I’ve been sort of on my own more than I usually am. I’ve been talking to people I want to talk to and I’ve been looking into things on my own and I’ve been much more independent recently. That’s been nice. But I think what’s really brought me the most joy is theatre.
Okay, wait wait wait waaaiiiit a second. Before you click out of this post. Please. Stay. So I know I’m a total theatre nerd. I get it, ya know? When all my content is about the shows I’m blessed to be in or the experiences I’m honored to have had or the people I’ve been so privileged to be working with it gets repetitive. & I’m sorry. But also- not.
Last night I was watching the Jimmy Awards, (if you’re unaware, they are the National High School Musical Theatre Awards) and there were so many butterfly moments. Butterfly moments are when you know it’s good. I usually get them when I hear some unique music or see a certain show or play a specific chord or something like that. It’s that feeling. Where my stomach drops like it’s on a roller coaster, but there’s no fear and all thrill. Beautiful, awesome thrill. Where you’re so lost in the moment around you that everything else melts away and you just sit and think, “That. That is what I want to do. For the rest of my life.”
Well that’s exactly it. Theatre makes me feel like that. I see other kids who are my age performing onstage, and I look at them and go, “That’s where I want to be.” I want to be the kids who are singing their hearts out and proving everyone who told them they couldn’t do it wrong.
Growing up, it was always, “Oh, if you’re musically gifted, go into Music & Worship. That’s your career path.” Every time. And that’s what I had been planning on doing my whole life. When I interned at Mariners Church, I was always very curious to hear what other people’s stories were, especially the points in their story where they felt God calling them to be somewhere or be something. I specifically remember going up to Forest Home with my staff and intern band and there was a night where we were all getting to know each other and I asked them about the moments that they felt like they were called into worship. I remember listening to them all share about these incredible encounters with Jesus & I just wished that I could feel something even half as amazing.
This leads me to late November of 2018, when I wept like I’ve never wept before. (Thank you to my most wonderful pal, Paige Frank for just getting me and for getting these tickets. Best gift ever.)
I started listening to Dear Evan Hansen when it came out my freshman year of high school. Paige was one of my few friends at the school I was going to at the time and when we first met, we bonded over this soundtrack. Later during my freshman year of high school I was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder, ADHD, and Unspecified Depressive Disorder. Dear Evan Hansen helped me cope with my diagnosis and allowed me to feel safe even though everything in my life kinda flipped upside down (MUCH MORE on this topic on my Dear Evan Hansen Instagram post).
Anywho, there’s a song in the show (actually every song in the show) that made me sob called, “So Big, So Small,” & in this song, this mother is explaining to her teenage child how much she loves him and how she will never leave or abandon him. & in that moment, I felt the presence of Jesus so clearly.
Everything seemed to slow down as I sat there and I heard this:
“You don’t have to go into Music & Worship to worship me. You can still spread my love and light to this community.”
& that’s the exact moment when I considered what it would look like to pursue theatre.
I’d grown up in the church watching all of my friends who’d done musicals growing up have to choose between church or shows. And they all chose church, so I’d just assumed that’s what I was supposed to do. But in that moment, I wasn’t so sure anymore.
This year, in May, Paige and I (yes, she’s my show buddy,) went to go see Falsettos together. I really enjoy that show and was excited to see it live for the first time, but I never anticipated what was to come after seeing that show. That night, after the show at the stage door, Paige and I met the entire touring cast of Falsettos and took pictures with almost all of them. Each and every one of them were so sweet and the way they handled everyone at the stage door so gracefully. Everyone was so personable and intentional. That night, after conversing with the cast, I posted a(nother) photo on Instagram about seeing the show and how much I love theatre. The next morning, I woke up with likes, comments, and even a couple direct messages from some of the cast! I spent my whole morning messaging them back, and I was able to have this amazing conversation with Nick Blaemire (the touring cast’s Mendel). We talked about what I kinda want to do with my life and how much theatre’s impacted who I am. It was wild to get a little bit of insight from someone who IS in the industry and someone who IS doing what they love.
That’s kind of when I began to put all of the pieces together. Thanks to experiences like the MACY Awards, the Cappies Awards, and the Off The Wall banquet, I learned that I guess I’m not as bad as I thought I was. Additionally, surrounding myself with people who support me has obviously been a huge help. And working with the right kinds of people who push me in loving ways has been so impactful. And that maybe I’m capable of actually making it.
When I post about theatre or I talk about theatre, it’s because it gives me the butterfly moment. But not just one- it’s like a thousand butterfly moments that last a lifetime each. But take a second and realize this real quick for me: Not that it matters, but why is it that when I post about theatre, I get the least amount of likes? I get it, no one’s really into the shows They’re too long, too boring, etc. (Yo, I don’t know what kind of excuses you make, but those are lame ones.) Maybe you do it to spite me because it’s annoying how much I mention theatre? (Yeah, that’s probably it, that’s a valid reason.) However, no matter the excuse you’re making, you’re missing out. Theatre is a form of life and an escape from the pressures of our day to day society. It’s a surreal realm that exists between Earth and all things beautiful. It’s a place where the weary can rest their feet, a place where the broken can mourn, a place where the homeless are provided shelter. And it’s also a place where the joyous can sing, where the celebrated can dance, and most importantly it’s a place that we all can call home. No matter who you are you can feel seen, heard, and loved. & you know what’s even cooler? Is that that’s the same thing I can do both as an actor and as a Christian. God’s calling me into a field outside of the traditional ministry and make that my ministry. That’s wild. And I’m so grateful.
Now, as a senior in high school, I’m not too sure how that’s gonna pan out at the end of the year. I’m not sure where I’ll be going to college or what I’ll be doing once I graduate, God’s plan could be totally different than what I’m envisioning, but we’ll roll with the punches. & it’ll be messy. & it’ll be kind. But most importantly, it’s gonna be a season of trusting God, stepping out of my comfort zone, and loving others radically. Cheers!
Much Love,
Delaney Marie Miller