[Discalimer! This post was written a day prior to its post date! It was a late night, so I'm not too sure how much sense this post is even going to make, but hey, we've made it this far...]
Wow. If you guys have been with me since the beginning, then you know when and why I sorta started this blog. Messy and Kind began as a small outlet for me to share my thoughts, creative writings, and leave my mark on the world. I wanted to make something that was like a little time capsule to look back upon. But I didn't imagine it lasting this long. If we're being honest, I don't think I'm the best at committing to things. I feel like I commit to too many things and then I tend to let everyone around me down because I overestimate what I'm capable of. I didn't actually think I'd be running a blog for three months. Then a year. Now, 2 FULL YEARS. Like- that's so wild to me. I just want to thank you all who are reading this for sticking around. It means a lot to me. Happy 2nd Birthday, baby! This blog is proof to all the colleges and folks stalking me online that I am here, I am real, & I'd like very much to be seen and heard.
Okay! So now that the whole sappy blog part is over, here comes the sappy school stuff!
There's a C.S. Lewis quote that really is probably one of my favorite quotes and I think it sums up this upcoming season pretty nicely.
"Isn't it funny how day by day nothing changes, but when you look back everything is different?"
And YEAH. Super funny. (Just to clarify, not funnnnyyyy funny, but interesting funny, ya know?) I mean, looking around at everyone today on my LAST first day of school was just crazy. We had Senior Sunrise this morning and looking around at everyone it kind of made me realize how blurred my vision is.
Follow me here for a minute.
I recently got my eyes checked, and I knew that my vision wasn't 20/20, but I didn't think it was too bad. I thought it was pretty manageable. I mean, if I'd managed for this long, then I thought I'd simply be fine. Well, at the optometrist's they check your vision and if you need glasses, they'll put different lenses in front of your eyes until they find what makes your vision clear. So my doctor was going through the different lenses and I just thought they all kind of looked the same. But then when she tried a specialized pair of lenses, I looked through them and my world had been changed. I realized WOAH, I can see! Like- not everything is fuzzy!
After the doctors figure out the right lenses though, and after I picked my frames, I have to wait until the glasses are made and ready to be worn. This means that AFTER I saw CLEARLY, I still have to go back to being blurry for a bit until my glasses get shipped in. & Once again, that's manageable. Not ideal, but manageable.
Now here's where it's a lil' different-
Yeah, I'm talking about blurred vision literally, but I mean it spiritually.
(Keep tracking with me, you're gonna get it, I've got faith in you.)
So today at Senior Sunrise, I looked around and it began to hit me that this is the first day of a new season. A new season filled with many lasts. A last first day of school, a last football game, a last class, a last dance, the last time I go out for coffee with certain friends. And a lot of the times, we don't even notice the lasts until after they're gone. & THAT is what I mean.
Going into Senior Year, God reminded me this morning that I don't want to step into this year with blurred vision. Whether that's clouded judgement, holding grudges, walls I've kept up, or more, I want to tear those things down and surrender them to God.
Going back to the C.S. Lewis quote, he's right. Day by day, I'm not going to notice the changes. But when I look back on this season, things will be different. And I don't want to spend this season living it like it's blurry. I'm praying for God to move intentionally through each day stringing me together and towards Him & His plans for me.
Like- yeah, I don't have my glasses yet, I'm still waiting on what it'll be like to see clearly, but that's in God's hands. He's making my glasses, He's molding my life, and I know I can't see what His plans are for me right at this exact moment, but I know they'll be good. I already saw what my lenses looked like, so I know that when my glasses come in, I'll be seeing clearly. Much like how I've tasted & seen the goodness of God already, so I can have faith in what's to come.
(Does that make more sense?)
Anywho, that's what my prayer is for this year right now And that's tonight's post. Because I've got homework & I've gotta go get that done too. So cheers to SENIOR YEAR and starting off the THIRD YEAR of Messy & Kind.
MUCH LOVE,
Del