This past year was wild, but a different wild than the one before.
It's been a year ladies and gentlemen. A year since I started this blog, a year since I wrote my first post, a whole friggin' year. WOAH. It's kinda scary to think about that. To think it's been a year since I've left OCSA. A year since I started at Trabuco. A year since I began this journey of self discovery. From posting devotionals to self help posts, sitcom posts to choir & drama nerd posts, etc. etc. etc. It's just crazy to think about how much has happened since the beginning. So first things first, lemme just write CONGRATU-FRIGGIN'-LATIONS Y'ALL!
Second, my actual content to go with the title of this blog!
Looking back at my summer, it's been a doozy. I was in a show (THE NEXT POST) and I went to Choral Camp (THE PREVIOUS POST), and I went and visited FoHo and hung out with my older brother (photo on the left), Dalen! All the things I spent my time doing were fun, but there wasn't much that I did that prepared me for the upcoming year. It wasn't really until the last week of summer that it really hit me that junior year was starting.
Junior year is said to be the hardest academic year in high school which is reeeaaaaalllllllllyyyyy stressful. SATs, choosing colleges to consider applying to, boosting my GPA, and so much more. It made it even scarier, I think, because I had avoided processing that information for so long and now it had arrived.
The night of the 26th, my last night of summer, I sat on a hill with Dalen (still featured on the left/slightly above), and he and I talked for a bit about school and this upcoming year. About my anxiety and the stress that had piled up and the simple feeling of not wanting to go back to school. And it all kinda dwindled down and revealed itself to be one thing. The root of all my anxiety was feeling like I'm not enough.
And what was interesting was that it wasn't like I didn't think that I wasn't loved by my friends or my family or by God because I know that I am. And I know whose I am. But it was that I didn't feel like my best was good enough. Like I wasn't as good as those around me. Which is all comparison.
The worst part is, I've talked about that on here. I've talked about how comparison isn't worth it. And it's draining. Yet here I am... Comparing!
Here I am looking around at my brother getting into the AVID program. Looking at this one girl Avery's hair wishing that mine looked like that. Watching my friends go off to college at super cool schools because they're super smart and they're kicking butt. Keeping up to date on my friends who make music and thinking that mine will never ever be as good as theirs. And that whatever my best is, it never feels like it's good enough.
But that isn't true.
Dalen and I talked and he spoke God's truth to me as we sat.
He was talking about how God doesn't care whether I take home the gold or whether I can't even finish the race. He just wants me to do my best. And there is no possible way that my best can not be good enough for Him.
Just let that soak in.
I'll give you a minute.
Okay, now that you've let that marinate, lemme share about the application of this lil' tidbit of wisdom.
My first day of school yesterday was pretty wild. I had to get a massive schedule change in the morning so that gave me anxiety. And then I had to switch my lock on my locker. And then I had to find my classes and speak individually with my teachers and pick where to sit and so much more. And all day, I kept thinking to myself that all that mattered was that I just needed to do my best. Only my best. Not Hannah's best, not Katie's best, not Max's best, not Alyssa's best, my best. Boy oh boy was that reassuring! And I don't mean that sarcastically. It actually had an impact on how I viewed my day and my schedule and my grades and myself. And blog fam? Hold me accountable for that. For viewing myself in God's eyes rather than comparing myself to others. And for knowing that all that matters is me doing my own personal best.
So with that all said, CHEERS TO ONE YEAR! aaaaaaaaaaaannnnnd CHEERS TO MANY MORE! I can't wait for another year of God moving through the people, stories, & this blog!
MUCH LOVE,
Delaney Miller