This summer's been wild.
I had an incredible internship with the Junior High Ministry at Mariners Church in Newport Beach, I had the opportunity to transfer to a new school, and I've been so blessed by all of this summer's adventures.
When I woke up this morning though, I realized it wasn't summer any longer. I started my sophomore year at a new school as a transfer student today. The minute I realized it, my anxiety set in.
I was clinically diagnosed with anxiety my freshman year of high school and I had done an amazing job of ignoring how I'd been feeling all summer. All of the sudden the feelings I had shoved down inside myself exploded. I exploded. I felt nervous and stressed and angry and sad all at once and it was awful.
But what was worse, was that I felt like that all day.
When I came home after school today and began to do my AP European History homework, I had this moment.
I realized that I had let Satan ruin my day.
I had focused so much on how I knew no one or how I looked walking through the halls or how many times I had gotten shoved into a locker during passing period. I had kept my mind busy with dull and pointless worrying. I gave up looking for God because I couldn't find him where I wanted to find him. I wanted him to bring me friends on the first day. I wanted him to give me a good seat in class. I wanted him to provide me with understanding teachers who were full of grace. I felt really empty after school today, and it was because I hadn't looked for God in the smaller things.
In 1 Kings 19 Elijah is looking for God in the wind, and next in an earthquake, and then in a fire, but God is no where to be seen. In 1 Kings 19:12 it says that "after the fire, there came a gentle whisper."
Today I wasn't looking for God in the gentle whisper, and I find myself doing that a lot. I often tend to ignore the smaller things because I think there needs to be some loud spectacle when in reality, He's a quiet whisper just waiting for you to hear Him.
Tomorrow is my second day of school and I plan on seeking out God in the quiet whisper, and I hope you try to do the same.
Much Love,
Delaney Miller